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Forty Years in Chandler’s Ford – a Journal (Part 182)

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A new gas supply; the “Great Gale”; worrying news of Jane; Peter Scott, George Green and “a little Pakistani newsboy”; taking a bath is risky; three additional residents at The Ridge; Frank Harding’s eyesight; a shop on fire; the last whist drive, and “the saddest Midsummer Day”.

On September 10th 1987 Gran’s gas supply is being upgraded, and she writes at the end of the day:

There was still no gas and the men dug up the top part of the drive and drilled a hole through the wall and from the cupboard under the stairs into the garage where the new meter is to be installed.  The mess everywhere has to be seen to be believed… The gas was restored at 4.45 and the last man told me that men would return in a day or two to re-lay the drive and level the ground outside the gateway.

The Ridge’s drive. It was originally “crazy-paved” with large slabs of limestone, and could be very slippery.

On the phone to Barry that evening, she says:

He had good news for me – a substantial cheque from Bill’s estate is on its way to me and Barry advised me to put £1000 into my current account to settle forthcoming large bills and to open a deposit account until we decide what investments to make.

The infamous “Great Gale”, which affected most of the UK, takes place on the night of October 15th/16th.  Gran records it thus:

Torrential rain and a really terrifying gale throughout the night and I rose to a scene of damage everywhere.  But I was lucky; only masses of twigs and small branches from my trees but extreme devastation all along the South Coast as the wind reached a force unknown within living memory.

And, on the way to the surgery for a prescription: “Much devastation along Kingsway with many large branches and whole trees blown down”.

Book 243

1989

Nine of Gran’s books are missing at this point and Book 243 takes us on nearly two years, to late August 1989. Meanwhile, significant events have occurred in the lives of Gran’s nearest and dearest. Barry has taken early retirement from teaching at Haberdashers’ Aske’s School in Elstree, a job he has held all his working life.  And because of those missing books, it is not until now that we learn that Gran’s daughter, Jane, has developed breast cancer, though Gran does not identify this for us at first. She writes of Jane, simply on August 27th, “She is home again, Gill having taken her back today after looking after her very well, and now Katie was with her, having come back from the Lake District”.

A little over a week later, on September 5th, and several times over the next months, Jane, typically, tries to put her Mother at ease concerning her condition, and Gran records that,  “Jane phoned, bless her, and she assured me that she is feeling fine though still unable to drive the car, and other uses of her left arm”.  And a month later: “Jane rang with good news.  She can now drive the car short distances, shopping etc., and had walked five miles with her friend Hazel who has asked her to lunch at the Golf Club tomorrow.”

Nevertheless, Gran must go through each day, deeply worried for her Jane.  She continues to note happenings and events of interest to her, though many of her days are relatively humdrum, television providing much of her entertainment.  She still knits garments for family members, works quite hard in the garden – she does love a bonfire – and attends her usual whist drives and the Club meetings and occasional Club coach trip.

She notes on August 30th, the death of a man who had a considerable influence on several members of the Goater Family and their friends:

During my early dinner the News told me that Sir Peter Scott had died of a heart attack.  He was seventy-nine.  He will be a sad loss to Slimbridge and Conservation in general, for he was an indefatigable worker in these fields and a marvellous artist as well.

And on September 18th, we are reminded that Gran was quite an influencer herself, when, on the way to Fryern Hill, to the chemist, she meets some old acquaintances:

… was waylaid by Mr and Mrs Green, parents of George Green, who, as a young lad, I encouraged in Natural History.  He is now the father of two and has recently had a book published on the Birds of Hampshire, Dorset and Wiltshire.  When I said I must have one, they told me not to buy one yet as George is allowed so many and they would ask him to reserve one for me.

On the 23rd, she writes these typically charming lines:

A little Indian or Pakistani newsboy delivers my “Echo” and always looks in the window and smiles as we wave to each other.  He is a pleasing sight… This evening, Monique came for me to have my bath”.

Gran, with her years advancing, has been encouraged by her doctor to be sure that someone else is present in the house when she takes a bath, in case she falls or slips and needs help.  Sometimes it is Monique Griffin from next door, sometimes Ruth Kingston, and sometimes Mrs Luffman from “the shop opposite”.  Gran has wonderful neighbours.

Joan Adelaide Goater - her journal about Chandler's Ford.

Gran’s final entry of Book 243, on page 37,896 is on October18th. “I saw Mary and had a chat with her… All her family, including Antony, Sally and Family from Australia, will be with her and Frank next week”, she writes.

And with yet more of her books missing, we re-join her story almost a year and a half later, on March 29th 1991.  By this time, Barry and Jane Elizabeth have left Bushey, and, with Jane’s father, retired Commander Charles Lansdown, (whose wife died in 1982) have moved to Chandler’s Ford and into The Ridge, where the two younger ones can care for the two older ones.

“I rang Mary to wish her and her family a happy Easter”, Gran writes that day, and we learn that sadly, Frank Harding’s eyesight has deteriorated considerably, for she says, of some stamps she has borrowed from him “…he does not want the others back as he can no longer see them, poor man”.

On Apr 11th, not many days after Gran has expressed to the proprietors of the Paper Shop opposite, that she is sorry to hear they are leaving, owing to illness in the family:

Jane Elizabeth has just come in to tell me that a shop opposite is on fire and there are two fire engines on the scene… It is the Paper Shop, where the Pakistanis are, between “Peter Dominic”, the wine shop and the “Staddle Stones”.  The roof is all ablaze.

Later: “The Southern News on Television showed the fire at the Paper Shop and reported that a man is being questioned”.

May 2nd proves to be the end of an era for Gran, who has been attending whist drives most Thursdays for many years.  She writes:

I walked up to the Thursday whist drive this afternoon, going through Merdon Avenue School to cast my vote on the way.  The whist drive was a complete washout and there will not be any more, unhappily.  Only five players came and several who said they were going to, did not.  We only played one half and this was spoiled by two players talking loudly – and nothing to do with the game.

Barry and Jane Elizabeth undertake a visit in their camper-van to Spain for much of the month of May.  Meanwhile, Charles is collected and looked after in Hertfordshire by his son, also named Charles, and Gran goes to stay with a Mrs Dorothy Tidy in Peverells Wood Avenue, Chandler’s Ford.  She looks after Gran well until the 19th, when Gran returns to The Ridge, to be looked after by her long-term family friend, Doris Crisp, who also cared for Gran’s mother. Gran receives a card with an up-beat message from Jane while she is with Mrs Tidy, and there is no hint in it that her health has seriously deteriorated.

Possibly Jane’s last card to her Mum – characteristically positive and caring.

But Barry and Jane arrive home on 31st May, and that day, Gran is given very worrying tidings.  She writes:

I was shattered when Barry said he had some sad news for me and told me that the cancer in Jane’s breast has spread… and she is going into hospital tomorrow for daily radiotherapy.

Gran phones Jane at home on June 9th and again receives positive words from her:  “…she was very cheerful and told me I am not to worry.  She feels very well and the backache not as bad as the headache was.  So I can only try”.

But ten days later, Barry, who has just visited his sister, returns to The Ridge and his news is not good:  “He had found Jane very poorly in the hostel [hospice]”, writes Gran.  “Katie and Paul, and Andy and Judy were with her and are staying at Longton… Beverly, whom Jane specially wants to see, is going to her by the night train…”

June 21st:

Today has been the saddest Midsummer Day I have ever spent and I never want another like it.  Barry came into my room alone at 8 a.m. and I knew at once something had happened to Jane, whom he saw in hospital yesterday.  Only too true!  She died, albeit peacefully at four this morning.  Beverly was with her and she just said, “I shall soon be with Stuart”, turned her head and passed gently away.  I rang Mary, who was her usual kind self, and Bob [Fowler], in case his Jill [Brewster] had not heard…

Jane was fifty-seven.  Phone-calls are made and letters written to numerous relatives and friends, including “Tibby”, Barry’s childhood friend, “who was a great friend of Jane” says Gran, and also Pat Littlecott in Canada – “Jane’s great friend”.

The garden at The Ridge and its flowers, as ever, provide solace:

I sat in the garden with my knitting at 2.15 this afternoon.  Bees were round the blue and white Campanulas by the Forsythia on the trellis, and I walked round the garden at 3.05.  The Burnet Rose has put on some nice new growth and is nice and compact now.  Barbara Hillier is also sprouting nicely.  It was overcast, with hazy sunshine…

Gran has a need to keep herself busy on the following day – the temperatures for the past twenty-four hours are recorded; she takes a walk round the Lake and feeds the Mallards there, “… but it was horrid, surrounded with fishermen”; she notes the moths taken in Barry’s moth trap during the night; she collects flowers to make posies in the house; she receives phone calls, including one from Beverly about Jane’s funeral arrangements; she sticks recent photos into a new album, watches some cricket (England v. West Indies) on the television and then:

Jane Elizabeth and I went to the Garden Party along Hiltingbury Road at 3 p.m.  It was a strawberry and cream tea with assorted sandwiches, scrambled egg, smoked salmon, cream cheese and cucumber and minced chicken and ham, assorted fancy cakes and the strawberries and cream.  It was overcast and a few spots of rain fell as we left at 4 o’clock.

Hiltingbury Lake – often a place for solace and contemplation for Gran, especially in years gone by, but on the day after her Jane died, she found it too busy, and thought it “horrid”.  Image by Greg Smith via Flickr.

There is more cricket on television but bad light stops play, and later, at 7.30, they watch Cardiff Singer of the World.

“I still cannot believe that I shall not see my Jane again in this world.  It is still raining”, she writes at the end of the day.

June 26th is the day of Jane’s funeral.  The Family gathers at the Brenan’s house at Longton and Gran prepares for what must be the most difficult few hours of her life.  Her description of the proceedings is somewhat garbled, owing, no doubt, to the anxiety and trauma of the day.  I have tried to sort it out as follows:   “There were two Services for Jane this afternoon”, she writes:

… the first, at noon at St Andrews Church at Longton and the second at Preston Crematorium at 1 p.m., both conducted by her own Rector… At St Andrews [the Rector] spoke of Jane as, not only his parishioner but his friend, as to many, and [she] would be sorely missed.

There, Gran sits, she says:

… between Julian and Ricky’s Beverly, who gave me the utmost moral support. Julian on my left, had his arm round me and gave me his handkerchief and shared his hymnbook with me. The Order of Service for the Dead was on a leaflet.   Beverly held my right hand and squeezed it from time to time.  Dear Grandchildren all of them.

It was a long way to the crematorium and Caroline, who was the baby bridesmaid at Jane and Stuart’s Wedding, now drove Julian, Ricky and Beverly, with me to the Church.  Bob and Diana were waiting for me – Diana’s ravaged face will always be in my memory.  Jill and Dennis were also there and greeted me affectionately… Katie and Andy, Paul and Judy, in deepest mourning, sat in the front row and I sat between Julian and Beverly four rows behind.

The Rector speaks many more kind words about Jane – “lovely, unselfish, courageous, uncomplaining and always thinking of others”, he says.  Then:

Caroline drove us back to Jane’s home after the short service, where Mrs Tindsley had provided hot soup, after orange juice or wine, and home-made cake for all.  Everyone was exceedingly kind and many made themselves known to me.  We left Longton at 3.48.

Gran describes the route home, as is her wont, and ends her entry for the day with: “I was completely worn out with all the emotion and efforts and just waited to ring Longton to tell them we were home safely but could get no reply.

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Forty Years in Chandler’s Ford – a Journal (Part 162) Forty Years in Chandler’s Ford – a Journal (Part 163) Forty Years in Chandler’s Ford – a Journal (Part 168) Forty Years in Chandler’s Ford – a Journal (Part 174) Forty Years in Chandler’s Ford – a Journal (Part 181)
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