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Forty Years in Chandler’s Ford – a Journal (Part 144)

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Anxiety over Mother; friends are a tonic; an owl brings pleasure; some lovely Tristan stamps;  “Greaty” receives sherry; hot water in the taps and a new fireplace; the concern of neighbours; wicked pain; a wonderful surprise; Gran – an “old person”?; Isabelline envy, and a book by Barry.

Gran’s thoughts at this time are dominated by the state of Greaty’s present and future welfare.  On October 30th 1974 she writes:

I rang the hospital at nine o’clock and was relieved to hear that Mother’s condition was satisfactory after an operation last night.  Brother came as usual and was naturally very concerned.

She and Norris visit the hospital later that day having spent some time at Farley Mount where they see a Rough-legged Buzzard – part of a widespread influx of these birds from Scandinavia that autumn, and find Mother, as Gran says, somewhat drowsy, not very “with it” and expecting to be home in a day or two!

On November 1st she is uplifted by a chance meeting with strangers:

I went to see Mary [Harding] and spent a comforting hour with her. She has such a sympathetic and understanding heart.  Near the Lake a very small and enchanting girl, whom I did not know, told me, with a bright smile, that her boots were new.  They were red “puddle boots”.  This led to further conversation with her and her mother, and a peep at baby sister, who was just as beautiful and endearing and their young mother was so obviously proud of them.  A real tonic for me.

Three days later, Gran, highly anxious about her Mother’s future after another visit writes:

The visit to Mother was rather disastrous as she thought we had come to take her home and proclaimed in a loud voice that she did not want to stay in hospital any longer and was ready to leave when we were… we had to get a nurse to be with her whilst we made our escape.  It was highly embarrassing as she was now in the main ward and all the patients could hear her.

And she adds,  “…I could not possibly cope any more.  The difficulties of getting her into a home at present seem insuperable…”.  Friends are a great comfort to her at this time, not only Mary Harding, but also kindred spirit Enid Dennis, and Bee Richardson, in Baddesley, to whose home Gran cycles next day for a supportive chat, and Ruth Kingston, in America, who sends flowers and kind words.  The family in Bushey invites her there for a recuperative weekend mid-month, and she travels there by coach to Victoria and Green Line Bus thereafter.

Outings, helping to keep Gran’s mind off the upsetting situation, are organised by Barry, including one, with Geoffrey, to their local birding “patch”,Hilfield Park Reservoir, where Gran records this:

…a commotion amongst Carrion Crows attracted our attention.  Then a Short-eared Owl flew up, being constantly mobbed by the Crows, until it broke away and flew across the reservoir, later flying back.  It flew to an enormous height for an owl, quite five hundred feet, and then turned back…  It was very exciting – I had only seen one Short-eared Owl before, at Dalrulzion, in Scotland, so this was an outstanding event for me.

“It flew to an enormous height for an owl” – a nice memory of her Perthshire holiday for Gran.  Image by Kelly Colgan Azar via Flickr.

She returns home to The Ridge on November 19th and retrieves Peter, her budgie, from young Timmy Griffin, next door, “who had enjoyed having him”, she writes, continuing:

…and now things will be back to normal, I suppose.  I have had a most enjoyable weekend with great kindness shown to me and I have been very touched by Geoffrey’s obvious devotion to me.  Such pleasurable times pass all too quickly.

She manages another break from almost daily visits to Mother on November 23rd:

Diana [Fowler] rang up this morning as I was very involved with making the Christmas Cake, to ask if I would like to go to Ibsley with her this afternoon.  Of course, I seized the opportunity… The cake was just turned out when Diana and Tommy came for me and we were soon on our way.  A strange sight at Baddesley was Father Christmas driving past us in a car!

They find the River Avon impressively flooded at Ibsley but they do not see the Bewick’s Swans that they hoped for.

There is tremendous relief for Gran on November 25th when news arrives from the hospital, “that Mother is being transferred to “The Mount” at Bishopstoke tomorrow so I hope she will be comfortable and that it will be a permanent home for her”.

The Mount, converted from Victorian Mansion to a hospital in 1927.  This card is postmarked “1915”.  Image courtesy of Alwyn Ladell via Flickr.

However, there is disappointment on December 4th:

We went to see Mother this afternoon and, though she wandered somewhat mentally, physically she was much better.   So much so that she cannot stay at The Mount and all the worry of getting her into another home has started all over again and I feel beyond coping with anything more.  The hospital Social Worker is to be asked to help but I am not optimistic.

The regular “small pleasures of life” become particularly important for Gran while she frets, so on December 7th, when, “Post brought me the delightful “Penguin” set of stamps from Tristan da Cunha and a First Day Cover and mint stamps from Gilbert in Australia”, she is particularly happy.

“The delightful penguin set of stamps” – mint and franked. Image courtesy of Andy Brenan.
… and the 35 pence stamp First Day Cover.  These small things brought Gran great pleasure.  Image courtesy of Andy Brenan.

And she recounts a fairly typical pre-Christmas day on the 8th:

The Television is out of action but I spent a busy time writing a long letter to Mary Robinson in Fiji, sending another small order to the RSPB, addressing several Christmas cards and sticking in a few more stamps.  I also finished the body of Geoffrey’s pullover and got on well with the sleeves while listening to suitable Sunday programmes and music on Radio 4.

Joan Adelaide Goater - her journal about Chandler's Ford.

Book 157

Barry, Jane Elizabeth and the two boys are down for Christmas, and on the 24th Gran writes:

It was sunny during the afternoon but we did not go out, the family being keen to see “National Velvet” on Television.  This was the old film in which Elizabeth Taylor appeared as a child of twelve long before she had been made into a famous but, to my mind, ruined film star.  Barry and I went to see Mother in the evening but I wished we had not done so because it caused Barry much distress.

“The family, bless them, washed up”, Gran records on Christmas Day, continuing:

…whilst Brother and I went to see Mother who was better in spirits and had received Communion with the hospital padre at seven o’clock before enjoying a Christmas programme of Carols and the presence of Father Christmas in the ward.  We stayed to see and hear the Queen’s Speech on the colour Television before coming home.

1975

January 11th:

There was a photograph of Mother, “the oldest patient at The Mount” being given a glass of sherry on New Year’s Day, by the Friends of Eastleigh Hospitals.  I do not think Mother had drunk a glass of sherry in her life and I am wondering if she drank this one!

Nellie Adamson, “Greaty”, at 97, pretending to enjoy alcohol at The Mount Hospital in 1975.

… Dennis (Brewster), who had rung up earlier to know if I would be in, came to tea with Mark and Simon, and this was lovely, too, as I had not seen Dennis since the family returned from Canada over a year ago.  Just as they were leaving, soon after six o’clock, we met Julian running up the drive after a training run.  Hurried introductions and farewells, and I had a few minutes with Julian before he continued his run.  He came to stay the night later.

A week later:

I have been no further than the shops today but I met Joan Clarke, a badminton member, who told me an amusing story.  She helps at a club for youngsters and there met a member of Mountbatten Club with whom ours has a match next Wednesday.  Mentioning this he told Joan that last time they played they met a lady who “did not half run them around and she must have been sixty if a day”.  He said that he and his partner did quite well to get 7 and 8 points in respective sets but the others were hopelessly beaten.  Joan let him finish and then said, “She is seventy”, and the other member said, “Well, that makes it even worse!”  Fun to remember when I have to give up playing.

By January 21st, Greaty has been moved from The Mount Hospital at Bishopstoke to a nursing home, Bishop’s Waltham House.  Gran and Norris visit for the first time and are delighted:

The Home is new and beautifully situated on the outskirts of the town and is a splendid building.  Mother has a very nice single bedroom, well-appointed, and there is a large rest-room and a separate dining hall as well as a small sitting room into which we were shown to see Mother so that we could talk privately.  She was quite comfortable and contented and there is a fully trained member of staff on duty day and night.  Brother and I felt satisfied as to her well-being.  I took her a little bowl of Spring flowers from the garden…

There is upheaval at The Ridge at the month’s end.  On the 27th:

This afternoon was divided by more clearing and sorting in the dining room for the sweep tomorrow followed later in the week by the change of fireplace and redecoration. (Ugh! I shall be glad when all is done!), knitting (I finished Geoffrey’s cap and started Robin’s) and watching one or two good programmes on Television.

And on the 28th:

This afternoon and evening I mainly occupied the sitting room, the dining room being uninhabitable with stripped walls, no carpet and no fire, in readiness for action on Wednesday.  I finished the boys’ caps, and the back of Sally’s Fair Isle, and also did some of John’s Aran.

These last few months Gran has been knitting garments, mainly pullovers, for a fantastic number of friends and family!

Builders arrive on the 29th and change the dining-room fireplace.  Gran says, “… the new one looks very nice”.  The “comings and goings” of people necessitated by the fireplace removal causes the lady proprietor of the Antiques shop opposite, what Gran calls “heart-warming concern”, for the lady had not seen Gran lately, and had missed her.  The grocer reassures her of Gran’s good health.  “Is it not nice”, asks Gran, “that people, whom I scarcely know, should bother about me in this way?”.

On February 3rd we have what is probably the first indication of Gran’s likely need of a hip replacement.  For the time being though, it is considered to be a muscular problem.  Whatever it is, her badminton and tennis playing days are in jeopardy.  She writes:

This afternoon I took Sally’s Fair Isle round to Mary who was very pleased with it, and stayed to tea with her, Frank and Grannie Pickford.  I cycled, thinking it would be easier on the painful thigh muscle, which had been wickedly painful this morning but I was mistaken and it was far from comfortable.  I went to the Doctor this evening and he has advised as much rest as possible! And no badminton until the muscle has settle down again.  I shall hate this!

Gran’s stamp collection continues to give her great pleasure.  On February 8th:

A quiet afternoon knitting, and this evening I was busy sticking in French stamps, which Mrs Griffin had given me, when the phone rang.  It was Mr Brown, a philatelist from Kingsway, who wanted to come and see my collection and did so at 7.30.  We spent a very interesting time and he found several particularly good stamps among mine and I learnt a lot from him.  He specializes in Aden and his collection is beautifully set out and written-up.

And, on February 13th, she has much to record.  The Ridge has a new hot water system, to take the place of a geyser over the bath and an instant gas heater by the kitchen sink; Greaty has been poorly and rather frail over the last few days, and the family fears the worst, and Gran has a nice surprise:

I phoned Bishop’s Waltham House and was told that, though still chesty, Mother was easier and sitting up at the moment and eating cornflakes for breakfast.  She really is a wonder!

Breakfast for Greaty.  Image by Peter O’Connor via Flickr.

Then:

Towards teatime the workmen finished and departed, leaving us with real hot water in the taps!  I was getting tea when I had an amazing surprise! A gentleman from America brought me a parcel which he said Mr Pape, who lived next door whilst the Hockridges were in Canada, had asked him to give me.  It was a splendid album for American stamps, illustrated and with much good information.  I was quite overwhelmed and wrote to thank him this evening.

A friend has suggested that Gran join a local club for the company it provides, and she takes Gran in her car to the “Old People’s Hall” on the evening of March 4th where there is a whist drive.  “Everyone was most friendly and pressed me to go again”, Gran says, adding:

… and to their Thursday afternoon drives as well, even when I walked off with the First Prize!  I may join the Club as they do also have outings, though these may not be much in my line.  Still, this will give me something pleasant to do as badminton and tennis become impossible.

At badminton that evening, where Gran goes, not to play but to watch, and for the company, the members express delight for her over the result of the whist drive, and, Gran adds: they “hooted at the idea of me in an Old Folks Club!

Following a disappointing time with Norris searching without success for a reported Isabelline Shrike at Siddlesham, only the second ever recorded in the UK, and seen by Barry and Geoff some days earlier, Gran ends the day with “…the glad news that Barry’s book on the Lepidoptera of Hampshire was published today.  How proud I am of him”.

There are several “Isabelline” species of animal, the word, according to some legends, referring to the “unwashed” colouration. Image by Koshy Koshy via Flickr.

The search for the Shrike involved much walking and pain for Gran, in her hip, and she admits to being “green with envy” two days later when John Guningham:

… rushed in to collect his Aran pullover, with which he was highly delighted… he told me he had seen the Isabelline Shrike, Avocet, two Chiffchaffs and Firecrests on Monday.  Also he saw Barry’s book in a Farnham bookshop on Wednesday.  It is dedicated, quite rightly, to Jane Elizabeth, who did all the typing for him.

“Dedicated, quite rightly, to Jane Elizabeth…”  Image courtesy of Barry Goater.

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Forty Years in Chandler’s Ford – a Journal (Part 51) Forty Years in Chandler’s Ford – a Journal (Part 63) Forty Years in Chandler’s Ford – a Journal (Part 90) Forty Years in Chandler’s Ford – A Journal (Part 104) Forty Years in Chandler’s Ford – a Journal (Part 142)
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  1. I’m sure your Gran would have been interested in the flora and fauna of Tristan da Cunha. There is a unique flightless rail on nearby Inaccessible Island.
    In the 1960s the population of TdC was evacuated to Calshot because the Island, which is a volcano, erupted. One of the boys, stayed behind and was friendly with our son. After some years he returned to TdC.
    The small gene pool out there contains genes for asthma and glaucoma which cause medical problems.

    Reply

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