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Forty Years in Chandler’s Ford – a Journal (Part 179)

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Stonehenge – not what it once was; Gran hides her ailments; Grampa – a last trip to Farley Mount; an obliging Home Help; two Redstarts in the garden; a communication from the Arctic; Granny Pickford is 100, and farewell to “Tommy” Fowler;

Book 227

On September 10th 1986, after the Nurse has visited The Ridge to check on Grampa, and Gran understanding that things are “somewhat easier”, she goes on the Club outing to Marlborough, having “something of a scramble to be ready…”

Gran describes all she sees on the coach journey, including:

We stopped at Stonehenge at 2.45 for twenty minutes but I did not leave the coach as I have been to the monument many times since my teens when access was freely available with no fences or circling pathways.  I did not want a cup of tea or an ice cream at this time.

Stonehenge – access no longer freely available.  Image by Stanley Zimny via Flickr.

September 11th whist drive:

With great difficulty I got away in time to help with tickets and cards but, with so much hazzle [sic] about it I told Mrs Ghinn I could not do it any more and might even miss the drive altogether.  I also warned Mr Wright that I might have to miss the Club meetings.

Jane and Andy arrive on the evening of the 12th and on the following morning Gran writes:

Stupidly, I felt exhausted when I rose and was sick before breakfast when I only had a cup of tea but I was able to hide it from Jane and Andy.  They did some gardening for us… They had to leave at eleven o’clock but their visit did me a world of good.

Gran also falls, “unhurt really”, she says, in the garden, while digging up Cyclamen corms for Jane, “and my two did not see it happen”.

September 20th:

A delightful surprise this afternoon!  I had read awhile and then dropped off, wakening to see Julian, Sue, Sam and Anna looking in at the French window.  They took us to Farley Mount, carefully shepherding Great Grandpa into the car and installing him on a rug at the top of the hill at Farley, overlooking West Wood, where Sue returned after a short walk, to be with him, whilst Julian, the children and I went right down the hill towards the wood.  Many of the downland flowers were still in bloom… Anna became very tired and tearful so Julian took her back to the car whilst I played football with Sam… The family did not come in after delivering us safely home but went straight back to Farnham.

The Monument at Farley Mount – a very regular destination for the Goater family.

News of Andy from Jane:

Andrew had enjoyed his first two days at the bank and went today to Cambridge for a course of training.  His boss goes to Scandinavia next week and told Andrew that, when he gets back he will have to keep him under lock and key as no-one else speaks the Scandinavian languages and other banks will want him.

Sept 23rd:

A pair of Bullfinches came to feed upon Honeysuckle berries.  Nurse came to help the invalid with a bath and my kind and obliging Home Help assited me most willingly.  We get on well together.  Mary Harding rang and was sorry about our difficulties.  Her Mother will be 100 years old next month and her youngest Brother is coming from Australia to celebrate after being away for thirty-eight years.

October 1st:

It was Harvest Festival at the Club this afternoon and members had taken gifts for the laden table.  I took two pots of jam and a small flower arrangement.  The very nice Service was taken by the Rev. Adrian Habige, from St Boniface Church, who had only been in Chandler’s Ford for six months.  He was very good indeed with a splendid carrying voice and he made the Service very thankful to God and interesting too.  The goods were sold afterwards and about £40 made for the Home for Incurables.  I bought fruit and salad items.

On October 4th, soon after Barry and Jane arrive at The Ridge, Gran records:

The greatest excitement came just after tea when Barry spotted a Redstart in the back garden, not only my only one for this year but a new record altogether for the garden.  A Song Thrush was singing when Barry and I went to have another look outside for the Redstart and we saw two.  Most gratifying!

A Juvenile Redstart.  The birds in the garden of The Ridge probably looked like this.  Image  by hedera.baltica via Flickr.

Leaving Jane Elizabeth to prepare dinner (a midday meal at The Ridge), Gran is given a “wonderful uplift, which I surely need”.  Barry drives her through the New Forest to the coast in the Hurst and Keyhaven area. Gran records many typical estuary birds for the first time that year, and she loves the scenery, commenting particularly on the glorious colour of the maples at Romsey.  However, she is equally delighted, on leaving Lymington, she says, “to see my first Morris Dancers!”

“Post brought a beautiful card from Ricky”, she writes on October 8th:

… from Bear Island, depicting a Polar Bear on a snow and ice landscape with a wonderful sunset behind it.  Rick said, “Winter is here! Snow and wind. Travel is difficult… The card was posted in Bjørnøya on September 29th.

The hut on Bear Island where Gran’s card was written.

Life is proving very difficult for Gran these days.  Grampa is almost constantly unwell, visits by the doctor are frequent, and good neighbour Ruth is “very concerned about us”, Gran writes.  On top of all this, there have been problems with the oven’s gas supply and Gran writes on October 13th:

At last the Gas man came and the oven works again though another spare part is still needed. Food anyway is a hopeless proposition though I am easily satisfied.  Ruth, bless her, went to collect the prescription which the Doctor gave Bill on Saturday so I did not have to go for it this afternoon.

October 14th:

A truly exhausting but subsequently satisfying morning for me.  I cleared some of the pantry and, when my Home Help came, we worked together clearing all the shelves and floor and whilst I wiped or washed all the pots, jars, china, tins and other containers, she washed the walls, shelves and floor and then we replaced all, or most of the articles as the shelves dried.  It was an excellent morning’s work and I was very grateful to her.

The 18th is the 100th birthday of Mary Harding’s Mother, known as “Granny Pickford”.  Frank, Mary’s husband, collects Gran and takes her to their Merdon Avenue home to see “the wonderful flowers”, which, Gran writes, “are truly beautiful and quite amazing”.  And she continues:

Mr Oury had delivered several with my little posy and had thoughtfully taken also some Oasis done up with ribbon and best wishes.  I met Mary’s Brother, Rex, from Australia, whom I first saw nearly forty years ago.  Granny-cards and telegrams ranged from the Queen’s, the Minister of Social Security, Lloyd’s Bank, the Doctors, and Receptionists from the Brownhill Surgery, to the milkman, post girl, paper girl and innumerable friends.  Mary gave me birthday cake for Bill and me.

“Ricky is home from Bear Island in extraordinary circumstances!” Gran reports, giving very brief details of what was a quite complicated naval manoeuvre, on the 22nd:

The weather was so bad… that the ship sent to collect the party could not get near the land and a helicopter could not approach either.  So they all donned survival suits and were dragged through the sea by ropes to the boat.

Joan Adelaide Goater - her journal about Chandler's Ford.

Illness dominates many of the entries in the journal at this time.  Not only is Grampa terminally ill with cancer (which has spread from his prostate, we at last discover) but Gran herself is suffering from ulcers, for which she is prescribed Tagamet, Helen, one of Ruth’s daughters, currently convalescing at home after returning from work in Africa, is unwell with an as yet undiagnosed tropical disease, and, on the 23rd, Gran hears from Bob Fowler, “… that Tommy went into Hospital and John is flying home from Hong Kong, and Jill going home today”.

The following day, Gran sadly notes, is “miserable and unhappy”:

Bob phoned to say that Tommy died at midday but all the family, including Mary from Hong Kong, but not the Grandchildren, were with her.  It is hard for me to take after over seventy years of close friendship, with many vicissitudes shared, and I am very sad, but Bob said she died peacefully without pain and it must come as a relief to know that her suffering is over.  I never once heard her complain, and it has been many years… I shall never forget her.

A rare photo featuring “Tommy” Fowler, Gran’s greatest friend. That’s me (Rick) in the front, and left to right, Bob Fowler, Grampa, Tommy, Julian, his wife Sue, Gran’s Grand-daughter Katie, Katie’s Mum Jane (hidden), and Beverly, Rick’s wife.

On the next day:

Jane rang, having refrained from doing so yesterday, knowing how distressed I would be.  She said she would try to get the day off for the funeral, and Jane Elizabeth would come and be with me.  They both know that I think funerals should be for family only and outsiders should not be witness to their grief, but Jane thinks our family should be represented and Tommy was good to her all her life.  Barry, her Godson, will still be in Spain.  I will go if Bob wishes it… British Summertime ends and the clocks go back an hour.

A contrasting, but typical entry the following day:

A Comma came on to the Ivy blossom in the warm sunshine and a Shieldbug came to rest on a damp towel I had hung out.  I put out washing at 7.30 this morning.  There was a Grey Wagtail on the ground in the back garden this afternoon.  I read until I fell asleep and then watched Snooker and Tennis on television.

A Comma butterfly, showing why it’s called a “comma”.  Image by Jans canon via Flickr.

“Tommy’s obituary was in Today’s Telegraph writes Gran on the 28th, “… and her funeral will be on Friday at 2 p.m. in Highfield Church followed by private cremation” and, “I have decided to go to the Church Service for Tommy on Friday as no other representative of the Goater family can go, and Jane Elizabeth will stay with Bill”.

The afternoon of the funeral arrives and Gran, no doubt quietly overwrought, records her day thus:

The taxi, a local lady, came for me at 1.30 and I was at Highfield Church in good time.  Many seats were reserved and there was no one to direct me, so I was afraid to take one.  I sat further back, on the outside of a pew.  The Church was decorated with beautiful arrangements of pink and white flowers.  I gulped when Tommy was carried in but it was a lovely Service.  The retired clergyman who lived next door gave the address, referring always to “Tommy” and his words described her exactly.  An outstanding and wonderful person as I well know… John read a typical message from Tommy herself and I hope to get three copies for myself, Barry and Jane.  I managed to squeeze the hands of Diana, Jill and John and they saw that I was there.

I stood on the grass by the front of the Churchyard and, as the cortege moved off for the cremation, I blew a kiss to Tommy and raised my right arm to family members in the following carriages.  It was starting to rain by the time the taxi brought me home by 2.45.

There was a September Thorn on the front door when I came upstairs, very tired and drained emotionally.

Tired and emotionally drained, Gran still notices a September Thorn on the front door.  Image by Ben Sale via Flickr.

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Forty Years in Chandler’s Ford – a Journal (Part 161) Forty Years in Chandler’s Ford – a Journal (Part 167) Forty Years in Chandler’s Ford – a Journal (Part 170) Forty Years in Chandler’s Ford – a Journal (Part 175) Forty Years in Chandler’s Ford – a Journal (Part 178)
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Comments

  1. Rick, I find your Gran’s Journals harder reading these days as the health issues that she has – and Grampa’s cancer – bring a pervading sadness to the story of this remarkable woman’s life. Living in Lakewood Road, I often walk past The Ridge and also remember the Hockridge family who lived nearby in the large house on the corner of Kingsway; they used to have ‘squashes’ for young people and it was a great way to get to know the young ladies in the area. Some years ago, my wife and I lived in the new house in Merdon Avenue (on the corner with Tyrrell Road) overlooking the green and Mary Harding’s house. She, like my mother and father, used to ride her bicycle everywhere. One day she commented to me, ‘Robert, you’ve done very well for yourself’ – for some strange reason that stuck in my mind.

    I’m sure my mother would have known your Gran, at least by sight, as they lived nearby, shopped locally and were always out and about. My mother, too, had a love of the natural world and a religious faith.

    Enough of this rambling …….

    Reply

  2. Many memories this time from Auntie Bunney’s journal Rick.
    Thank you for continuing to summarise her beautifully written and detailed journals.

    Reply

    • Many thanks indeed Jill. The next one will bring us to the 40 years and though new diaries came to light, adding another 10 or so years, I may try to cover them in just a small number of blogs, concentrating on only the most interesting entries. I’ll have to read ahead and make a decision.
      Rick

      Reply

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