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Forty Years in Chandler’s Ford – a Journal (Part 113)

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Generosity from Canada and Singapore; a wedding and a separation; joy and anxiety, but life goes on.

Gran, with daughter Jane, and soon-to-be son-in-law Stuart, is back home at The Ridge late on August 2nd 1962 having spent an exhausting time helping to move Jane’s belongings from her old flat in Gordon Rise, Mapperley, to her new Nottingham flat, to be shared with Stuart.  Gran describes the flat, as “a quarter of a very large Victorian House, about one hundred and fifty years old, and the rooms are spacious”.  She has also been driven further north, to Leeds, to meet Stuart’s family, including his sister Maureen and her daughter, “to try on the dress of the littlest Bridesmaid, Caroline, who looked enchanting and will quite likely steal the limelight on their Wedding Day”.  Once home, on the 3rd, she addresses her now long-departed Adrian, to whom the whole journal is dedicated:

Your birthday beloved, and you would have been fifty if you had been spared.  I have not been able to go to Memory Down, or indeed, to have marked this special day in any particular way this year but you have been in my thoughts continually all day.  It has been a busy one for me.

A letter from Barry, saved between the journal’s pages, tells her about a parcel of plant specimens that he has sent to her: “…you may even be able to paint some of them if you wish”.  They follow, he says, “a fabulous day’s hunting in Bedfordshire yesterday… I took my bike on the train to Luton and then cycled about forty miles”.  Unfortunately the specimens arrive “unfit for painting” but they make Gran’s mouth water, all being new to her – Purple Milk-vetch; Wild Liquorice; Sulphur Clover; Great Earth-nut, and many more.

Wedding presents, including most recently, an electric coffee percolator, and dinner and tea-knives from a Great Aunt, continue to arrive for the betrothed couple, “severely congesting the house” says Gran, who writes on August 4th:

An exceedingly generous cheque from Pat Littlecott, in Canada, this morning almost reduced the family to tears and overwhelmed Stuart and Jane… This afternoon [they] went to buy the dining-room chairs which they wanted and which Pat’s generosity now made possible, and to change the tea-trolley which the Fowlers have given them, on this understanding, if it did not match their other furniture.  They came home full of joy.  I mowed the front grass.

She visits Compton Church with Bob Fowler on the 13th, to mentally plan the flower arrangements for the wedding, and the following day is Barry’s birthday: “God bless him”, writes his mother, “and please, restore him his lost happiness…”. What a disparity there must be in her mind between her joy at Jane’s happiness and her despair over her son’s failing marriage.  Jock, it appears, may have received her last mention in Gran’s writings.

Joan Adelaide Goater - her journal about Chandler's Ford.

It is four days to the Wedding.  Jane and Stuart attend the Church for a rehearsal on the 15th, and presents continue to arrive.  They receive their third clock, prompting  Gran to say, “They should always know the time”!  Some flowers are delivered on the 16th, Gran finding them at The Ridge having spent her day packing other flowers, a normal day’s work at the Fowlers’ shop, for the Queen Mary, the Oriana and the Windsor Castle:

…I found a mass of Malayan Orchids, which my brother-in-law Harold, had had sent from Singapore for Jane for her Wedding Reception.  They had been flown by Quantas Air Line to London and then posted and were in perfect condition after being in water for an hour or two.  I put some of them in the sitting-room among the presents and the others will go to the Reception on Saturday.

“A very busy morning”, she continues next day:

…Aunt Em and my cousin Marjorie came out to see the wedding presents and had lunch with us. …Early this afternoon, Em and Marjorie departed and later, Mr and Mrs Brenan arrived with Caroline.  During the evening life became even more hectic with the arrival of Barry, who had cycled from London!  Ray and Margaret – newly-wed Usher and his wife; the Best Man, Alan [Wilkins]; Stuart’s sister Maureen and baby Richard, with her husband, John Govett, and her parents-in-law.

After a progressive supper, in which Ken and Jean [Hockridge, from next door, parents of two of the bridesmaids] later joined, Jane and Stuart took Ray and Margaret to Peg Eagle’s, where they were to stay the night, and then went to Fowlers’ at “Ilfra”, [their house in Bassett] where Stuart and Alan were staying… the rest stayed here and at Hockridge’s.

August 18th:

A wonderful and memorable day, one of great beauty and moving loveliness.  It dawned gloriously fine and the sun shone throughout, the postman brought more parcels, telegrams arrived… all was bustle and excitement with much coming and going.  We had a very early lunch and were soon dressing for the wedding.

Detailed descriptions of flowers and dresses follow, Gran saying “Jane looked so beautiful that I was hard put to it to restrain my tears”, but:

There was almost a calamity when Bob realised that he had forgotten her head-dress, but Jane knew that he would not let her down, though he had come early to fit the bridesmaid’s wreaths.  He phoned the shop, Diana rushed the Roses out, and with a few minutes to spare he made the head-dress and, though I had already gone, Jane arrived on time.

Compton Church – such an important part of Joan Goater’s life, and where Jane and Stuart’s responses were repeated in “slow clear voices”.

“The Church flowers were indescribably lovely”, she writes, although she actually has no trouble finding suitable words with which to describe them, and then adds:

As Jane arrived, the hymn, “Now thank we all our God”, was sung… and Stuart pale but outwardly calm, stepped forward to meet her.  Being in the front pew, I did not see Jane until she was level with me, and here, I confess, I gulped.  She was truly beautiful.

…the fact that Jane and Stuart had learned their responses by heart and repeated them in slow, clear voices, made all most sincere and reverent.  They could be heard all over the Church.  The hymn, “Love divine all loves excelling” was followed by the Benediction, and then Mr Fawkes read the passage on Love from Corinthians 1. xxiii.  “Lead us Heavenly Father lead us” preceded the signing of the register.

Caroline had sat with her mother when Jane and Stuart moved to the altar, but Ruth and Anne followed them and stood splendidly until the move to the vestry, when the Best Man took Caroline’s hand and brought her also.

Leaving the Church, the newlyweds are met by what Gran calls, “a battery of cameras and an enormous host of guests and well-wishers”, and she adds, “I am sure no Society Bride was ever given a lovelier reception from her friends”.  Next, the Reception at Potters Heron, which was:

…very nice indeed, if exhausting, and only one small thing momentarily irritated me!  The management there had thought to improve my Orchid arrangement with the addition of Scabious!  Lovely as are Scabious, picture them with Malayan Orchids!!  However, everything else was wonderful.

“No Society Bride was ever given a lovelier reception”.  Image courtesy of Andy Brenan.

There are so many telegrams that Alan Wilkins, has to read them out in three batches.

Jane and Stuart moved about among their guests until just after half-past four and then slipped quietly away to change.  Jane went away in a simple pink cotton dress, with necklace and earrings to match, which Pat Littlecott had sent from Canada for her birthday, beige shoes and handbag and carrying a pale pink cardigan.  Stuart wore grey flannels and his Emmanuel College blazer and tie.  Nothing could have been more simple.

The couple, about to make their escape. Image courtesy of Andy Brenan.

They had earlier hidden their car at Hursley in great secrecy and now, after bidding their guests farewell, they sped away, not in an official car, but in the Best Man’s scarlet Volkswagen, thus escaping all unwelcome attentions from anyone with a, to us, misguided sense of humour!

This evening fourteen of us went to the Bell Inn at Brook, in the New Forest, for dinner and a very enjoyable party it was, in spite of my intense tiredness.  I sat next to John Govett, who is a naturalist and artist, so we had much in common and unfailing topics for conversation.  When we went into the lounge for coffee, a Lappet moth was fluttering amongst the china in a lighted alcove – I had not seen one for several years.

The Lappet Moth – an unexpected but welcome guest. Image courtesy of Natural England via Flickr.

“I was completely exhausted but well satisfied with this lovely day”, she writes when it is all over.  What a shame, it seems to me, that even on this day, when Grampa, who would have ”given the bride away”, is not mentioned in her journal beyond the phrase “we parents”.  Jane and Stuart honeymoon on Speyside, returning south via Windermere, and from now on, the Lake District becomes deeply woven into their lives together.

Life quickly returns to normal for Gran.  The very next day she and Barry cycle to Brambridge and walk along the river there, recording many plants, including Narrow-leaved Water-parsnip, a new find for her.  The evening sees her at Compton Church again, thanking Mr Fawkes for the lovely Service, and also thanking the choir.

She receives several letters of congratulation and praise for the wedding.  Mary Harding’s, Gran writes with a smile, “said that she will always remember that the Summer of 1962 occurred on Jane’s Wedding Day!”  Pieces of wedding cake are boxed up and posted far and wide, and on August 22nd Gran starts knitting a pullover for Stuart’s birthday, September 2nd.  She has to hurry, and worriedly writes on the 24th, “I realized suddenly that I have only just over a week in which to finish it”.  She completes in four days, in spite of being tempted out on August 27th by Peg Eagle, who suggests Farley Mount as a destination.  There, they witness what she refers to as a phenomenon she has never seen before:

In the rather dark yew wood we thought there was a swarm of bees somewhere, so loud was the buzzing in the trees above us.  Investigation showed, however, that they were “greenbottles” flies with iridescent green bodies.  There must have been hundreds of them for the air was full of their buzzing, but they made no attempt to come round us.

A Greenbottle blowfly – there must have been some carrion nearby in the Yew wood.  Image by Derek Parker via Flickr.

Book 99

Out again with Peg and also Peg’s two young boys, on the 29th, they travel to the Isle of Wight, catching the nine o’clock ferry from Suthampton to Ryde, then taking a bus to St Helens:

… and walked across the golf course to the bay, which, alas, was not the little quiet, unfrequented place it had been when Peg lived at Bembridge… On the golf course we found quantities of the beautiful little Autumn Squills which were new to me and which I had long wanted to see.

The Autumn Squills are painted on September 4th, and Gran writes of her flower paintings:

With one diversion and another this year I have only added thirty-four to my collection, less than half my usual output, but in any case I suppose they will get fewer each year as my total grows.

Autumn Squill.  Image by Philip Goddard via Flickr.

For the rest of the year she almost daily packs flowers and delivers to ships in port for the Fowlers.  She is often helped in this by Peg Eagle and once by Jane and Stuart, during a visit to Chandler’s Ford.  One of the vessels Gran has not mentioned before is the Ascania, “a ship upon which most of the passengers were West Indians”, she notes.

Image courtesy of foundin_a_attic via Flickr. The Ascania was built as the SGTM liner Florida in 1926. She was bought by Grimaldi-SIOSA in 1955.  She was refitted to carry 183 First Class and 932 Tourist Class passengers on Service from Southampton, Vigo and Lisbon to the Carribean and Venezuela. She mainly carried Spanish and Portuguese migrants outwards, and West Indians on the return voyage. In 1966, Ascania became a budget Mediterranean cruise ship.

A letter from Barry at this time is full of interest, since it contains news of a trip he makes to Ben Lawers, now familiar to her, during which he finds fifty plants new to him, but on September 26th she receives a less happy communication:

A letter from Barry this morning contained the distressing news that Jock has left him, but on reflection I felt less upset than one might expect.  For over a year I have known that his marriage had collapsed and have been realizing that he could not continue in such a state of misery without a physical and mental collapse, so today’s news was almost a relief after months of expecting something disastrous to happen.

And she writes gratefully on the 30th, “Brother came in this morning and was very kind and comforting about Barry, who has his entire family on his side” but she records in early October that she is “weary in spirit and still full of grief for Barry”.  It’s a tough time, but there is renewed hope, for on October 5th, she pens the following:

…this evening Barry came home, and brought with him a [lady] friend, whom we hope, may find happiness with him in the future when the unhappy union with Jock is severed.  The interim period will be difficult and distressing but I try to look beyond to Barry’s eventual renewed happiness.  He already looks much better.

I think that both Gran and Grampa spend time with their sad son at this time, while he visits his old home and explores familiar local places, for somebody, un-named in the journal, drives them also to the New Forest and to Farley Mount where they both find solace in the joys of natural history.  And Dad makes an interesting discovery in the garden while he is there.  He writes to Gran a few days later:

A message from Barry told me that last weekend he found, in this garden, Leptodontium flexifolium, a moss new to South Hampshire, so one realizes that there may be unknown treasures very close at hand if only one can recognize them!

At the same time, she says:

Life is pulling me hither and thither just now, knocking me flat with near despair and then pulling me up again to heights of joy!  A card from Jane by second post contained the wondrous news that she will, all being well, have a baby in late May!  She will thus have her wish to start a family as soon as possible…

But a further letter creates some anxiety a week later, on October 15th:

A letter from Jane told us that she had recently spent a few days in hospital having “an enforced rest” after a slight scare about “Little Titch”, but all is well again though she is to have a further week away from school.  She is in good hands…

And what she writes on the 26th hints at the cause of yet more anxiety by events bigger than broken marriages and risky pregnancies.  It is the Cuban Missile Crisis:

I had a day at home today, and this morning went to buy wool to knit a shawl for Jane’s baby.  An act of faith this, for these are troublous times in the World with an ever-present fear of war again, and with the slight alarm recently over the baby, my prayers have been increasingly anguished with Barry’s trouble as well, and I have made the buying of the wool a symbol of my faith and a bolster to my own morale.

Notwithstanding these tribulations, Gran still finds time for uplifting outings to wild places: twice to the New Forest with Peg Eagle, and to Selborne with John Gunningham, where, after a day in the field, “We walked back through the wood and enjoyed a welcome and homely tea at the Queen’s Hotel before catching a bus back to Alton…”

November arrives with a welcome letter from Julian, which, his Granny writes, “told me that he and his bassoon are now in the second School Orchestra.  He seems quite happy”.  A few days later she finishes knitting the shawl and, in a day, uses the left-over wool to produce a baby coat.

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