Books That Should Have Been Written – Allison Symes

I thought a lighthearted post would be appropriate as we head rapidly through August.

By the time this goes up, I will be on my way back from the Swanwick Writers’ Summer School, having had good opportunities to learn, meet old friends, make new ones, and come back buzzing with ideas and even more enthuasism for the projects I’ve got in mind over the next few months or so.

Naturally, I spent some time in the Book Room! (You’d need an industrial strength fishing net to haul any writer out of such a place – and be prepared for some strong language. What writer, of any genre, ever willingly leaves a book room, library, book shop etc? You only leave because you must!).

Here, however, I share books that should have been written and definitely weren’t in Swanwick’s Book Room. Hope you enjoy these and do send in contributions!

How to avoid Difficult Relationships by Anne Boleyn.

How to Successfully avoid Difficult Relationships by Anne of Cleves

Looks aren’t Everything by Frankenstein

The Importance of Good Dentistry by Dracula

The Royal Guide to a Blissful Married Life by Henry VIII

The Sequel to the Royal Guide to a Blissful Married Life – Elizabeth 1

When Your Wand is Stuck on Pumpkins and Other Magical Dilemmas – Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother. (Also see the late, great, Terry Pratchett’s Witches Abroad for more on this).

The Importance of Punctuality – Cinderella

How to Make an Unforgettable Apple Pie – Snow White’s stepmother

Finding the Perfect Dress Whatever Your Shape – the Big Bad Wolf

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Looks aren’t Everything Volume 2 – The Ugly Duckling

Height isn’t Everything Either – Tom Thumb and Thumberlina

The Importance of Excellent Building Materials – The surviving one from the Three Little Pigs

Controlling Your Spindle – Sleeping Beauty

Finding the Right Locksmith for your Property – The Three Bears who then came up with a follow-up volume called Furniture Repairing for Beginners.

I love things like this. The humour is dependent on knowing the “real” stories and the use of irony. (The great thing is even if you don’t know the stories well, the use of irony can help convey the meaning).

The Wikipedia article is an interesting one, taking a look at different forms of irony and some of the history besides it. To my mind, it is less blunt than sarcasm but makes it point better precisely because of that. Whenever I think of sarcasm, I think of my late mother’s saying that “sarcasm is the lowest form of wit”. The obvious retort to that is something along the lines of “how come you recognized it then?”! (Before you ask, yes I did say it and my mother laughed – I did time this carefully!).

Irony can be used to show a great deal about a character. (For example, how well educated they are. A well educated character could come up with comments about another that sails right above the head of those they are talking about and know they are doing so, which in itself is ironical! Can they insult someone who doesn’t even realize they ARE being verbally mocked? Yes!).

Jane Austen is widely revered, and will continue to be, for her use of irony especially in Pride and Prejudice. It is an ironical situation that someone so proud (Darcy) should fall for Elizabeth Bennett (who is prejudiced against him). This novel, when I studied it at school, was an eye opening moment for me in every sense when it came to appreciating irony in fiction. Irony doesn’t have to be subtle (though the best is and I think Jane was ahead of her time here).

I also like irony because you either get it or you don’t. There is none of the “you must like this, it is really funny, everyone loves it” scenario. Unless a family member or good friend tells me that, I’m always on my guard when told this. Family and friends know my humour and yes, sure, what they’ve chosen will inevitably make me laugh, but the “everyone loves this so you must” attitude that does crop up irritates me. I’ll make my own mind up here thank you. But irony – you appreciate it or you don’t and I’m glad to be amongst those who do.

So what other books should have been written but have not been then?

Ripping Off Your Grain Merchant – I Con Cede

Really Fast Travel – S. Claus Esq

Keeping Your Hair in Tip Top Condition – Rapunzel

The Pharmacist’s Pet – Puss in Boots

All You Need to Know about Walls – Humpty Dumpty

Gauging the Correct Food Portion Size – Oliver Twist

How to Deal with Unexpected Visitors at Night – Ebenezer Scrooge

Dealing with Difficult Family Relationships – Hamlet

The Place of Handbags in Society – Lady Bracknell

Yellow Flower Spotting – William Wordsworth

Contributions from you are very welcome! Have fun!

Related Posts:-

Jane Austen: An Appreciation by Allison Symes

Humorous Writing (and why it is a serious business)

Sir Terry Pratchett 1948-2015: An Appreciation from Chandler’s Ford

Read interviews with Chandler’s Ford writer Allison Symes: Part 1 and Part 2.

Read blog posts by Allison Symes published on Chandler’s Ford Today.

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Related Posts:

Read interviews with Chandler’s Ford writer Allison Symes: Part 1 and Part 2.

Read blog posts by Allison Symes published on Chandler’s Ford Today.