When I was preparing this series, I did wonder how I would split it since 101 is a prime number. There was no way I was writing 101 articles of 1 item each or 1 item of 101 ideas! I eventually concluded that it would be best to have a series of 15 items and finish with the final 10. Many thanks to everyone who has commented on the series. It has been fun to write and a chance to share some of life’s exasperations. If the series producers of Grumpy Old Women happen to be reading this, I think I could make myself available!
91. Losing the end of the sellotape
Is there anyone out there not irritated by this? Some rolls do have a “tab” you can use to try to avoid this but I have found that doesn’t always work either. (It’s too easy to lose the “tab” and by the time you have found it, you have lost the end of the tape you were trying to keep in place so you could add the tab to it! Arrghh!).
92. Hospital layouts
Who designs these? I’ve not found one that makes any kind of sense. It was always an oddity to me that when I needed to take my now sadly late father to his heart clinic appointments, guess where the heart clinic was? Yes, that’s right. Right at the furthest end of the hospital from whichever end you came in. Note: There is always more than one end and you always pick the wrong one, at least to start with. I think Murphy’s Law has a special category for hospitals.
93. Self-seal envelopes that don’t!
Or don’t seal well enough, to my mind, to get through the rigours of the Post Office sorting system. Got to be robust enough for the job! So beware the cheap envelopes. I think there is a certain amount of getting what you pay for here.
94. Hayfever
For all my fellow sufferers. Flowers are wonderful. Right now, my lilac is in flower and I am loving both its colour (purple, I also have a white one) and its scent. I also love the smell of freshly cut grass. Sadly these things do not love my nose. In a bad year with high pollen counts, with what seems like continual sneezing, you can end up having a bit of a jaundiced view on a “nice” bunch of flowers! I don’t understand the “point” of hayfever. What good is it to man or beast? Into Room 101 it goes… ah if only!
95. Over-inflated prices for decaffinated coffee, gluten-free items etc.
Why is it when you take something out of a product the price shoots up? Coffee is notorious for this but so are the gluten free products. People really can’t help being intolerant to gluten, caffeine etc, so it seems to me to be hitting below the belt to thump these poor souls with a hefty increase to their shopping bills as well for the “privilege” of having something that won’t set various conditions off etc.
96. Hospital Car Parking Charges
This one, I admit, should have been much higher up the list. Part of the reason it wasn’t is I know I’ve got an ambivalent attitude here. If I knew the hospitals themselves could and did benefit from said charges, I would have some sympathy for them being levied – extra money going into the NHS and all that. My understanding is that the money raised goes to the parking companies. Hmm…
97. Remakes of Classic Films That Did Not Need Remaking – and all responsible for these
I refuse to watch the remake of The Italian Job. You simply cannot beat the legendary story with Michael Caine (and Noel Coward is a joy to watch in this too). The “remake” to me tells me someone is lacking original ideas and is looking to get bums on seats pronto. Well, I can tell you there was one bottom that didn’t join in with this happy scene – mine. I have got an allergy and here I’m not thinking of the hayfever. I really take a great dislike to being ripped off! Where are the original stories and films to come from them?
98. Loan Company Adverts – indeed loan companies…
You know the ones – the kind that say their APR is “only” 448%! Not a typo, I can assure you, I only wish it was. Would love to see the adverts banned and the companies themselves much better regulated. There should be a maximum interest rate fixed and I wish lending criteria was stronger. Too many people get themselves into issues due to taking out quick and easy loans that are far too quick and easy.
99. All calories in the 99 icecream!
Loved this seaside treat as a kid, still love a “proper” 99. Just wish the calorific value would somehow disappear so I could enjoy this more often…
100. Public Loos as they currently are
I do my level best to avoid using these things if I can help it. Most are dark, dingy and not cleaned often enough. A good public loo is the exact opposite. People moan about the 30 pence charge to use the loos at Waterloo, King’s Cross etc, but the toilets are kept in good order (so I consider it money well spent). Is this just a case that people don’t care enough about this sort of thing? I have been known to go to a cafe to have a cup of tea so I don’t feel guilty about using their loos! (Okay this is no hardship, the cup of tea is something I would’ve had most of the time anyway, but it has been the fact I’ve been trying to avoid using a public loo that has driven this).
And finally….
101. Fake Sincerity
I’d far rather people didn’t bother with this. I don’t need some salesman (and it usually is them) trying to make small talk when I know, and they know, all they want to do is sell me something. (99% of the time it is a “no” from me!). The other times this kind of thing irritates me is when someone apologises, usually for bad service, and you know full well they’re only apologising because they’ve been told to do so, having been sent on some “management” course. What is needed, of course, is real sincerity, good service and genuine apologies when needed, but then I’m old-fashioned like that!
Many thanks to all who have commented on this series. It has been great fun to write! And I feel so much better for it!
Related posts:
Read interviews with Chandler’s Ford writer Allison Symes: Part 1 and Part 2.
Read blog posts by Allison Symes published on Chandler’s Ford Today.
I agree with all these Allison. If you can fake sincerity you will go far. How I dislike those people who say, ‘I’ll be honest with you.’ It suggests that their default state is to lie and maybe the statement about being honest is a lie.
Wilkins Micawber was right about debt – “Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen nineteen and six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery.”
Many thanks, Mike. Agree with you over “I’ll be honest” – it does sound as if usually they’re anything but. Given I’ve often heard that phrase from salesmen, it’s added reason to distrust anyone coming out with it!
Recently it was taking me so long to find the end of the sellotape that I seriously considered throwing the whole roll away and starting a new one. Tape dispensers are a boon for that problem!
And I agree about the remake of The Italian Job. Why? I’m not even sure the “remake” had much in common with the original, except the title. If it doesn’t have “you’re only supposed to blow the bloody doors off”, I’m not interested.
Many thanks, Chippy. I agree about the “bloody doors”. One great thing on that is it has been a great way to impersonate Michael Caine for years!
I’ve enjoyed this series Allison. Agree over fake sincerity, it is actually insulting. Putting my ethicist hat on I would refer to genuine virtues like sincerity, bravery altruism, etc. as a rebuttal of theories that morality is reducible to biological or neurological functions, as they lose the ability to distinguish between genuine moral actions and crude imitations.
As for remakes, there are a few, only a few, exceptions. See Henry 5th 1944 and its re-make in 1989 . There is another re-make of the Agincourt speech using Olivier’s original together with music from the 1989 version, which is worth exploring.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qk_rPHoSc8w
Many thanks, David. One of the best “send-ups” of fake sincerity is through Gilderoy Lockhart, the creation of J.K. Rowling in the Harry Potter series. Played on screen by Branagh, I thought it a wonderful send up of “luvviedom” too.