George Orwell (aka Eric Blair) has contributed so much to literature and has an accolade few other writers have (though whether he would welcome it is another thing). While it is not unknown for writers to have their sayings go into popular culture over centuries (think Shakespeare especially), how many have their phrases go on to become the titles for TV programmes? Orwell achieves that with Big Brother and Room 101.
Now I admit I have no time for Big Brother, though I am fond of Room 101, which is hosted by Frank Skinner. On the show three well known people get to select two items or things they want consigned forever to the vaults of Room 101.
Admittedly, I don’t always know who the well known people are, such is the nature of celebrity these days, but their comments are often amusing and sometimes thought provoking. A recent show I saw had a guest wanting mosquitoes sent to the vault. Well, why not? It would wipe out malaria. If only it was that easy…
I thought I’d see if I could list 101 things I would want consigned for good. Don’t worry, you’re not getting them all in this post. This is part 1 of a mini series so you won’t get all my moans at once! See if you agree with me – and do send in your suggestions, the funnier the better.
1. Wasps
I have never liked the things and yes I have been stung a few times. There’s a link there somewhere! Biased? Of course I am.
2. Weeds
No sooner have you removed them then up they pop again. I see weeding as the equivalent of dusting. A never ending and frankly boring task. (Planting out, mowing the lawn, pruning etc I am fine with and quite enjoy – you can see the results of your labour for a start – but weeding? No thanks).
3. Brambles
Much as I love blackberries, I hate the plant they grow on. It has to be strictly controlled otherwise it will get everywhere. Any chance of a blackberry plant which doesn’t scratch you to pieces when you get anywhere near it? Hmm…
4. People who leave full dog bags in places where there are no dog bins.
I’m seeing a lot of these up at Jermyns Lane at the moment. NO. NO. NO. Take the bags home and bin them at home. There is NO person to collect these things for you. The bags generally take decades to biodegrade. This is part of your responsibility as a dog owner to clear up. (I could probably write a “rant” piece for CFT on this topic alone as this kind of thing gives all dog owners a bad name. Surprise, surprise, I don’t like that!).
N.B. I expect you’ll all be thankful there are no picture images for this one!
5. Litter Louts.
I once saw a horrendous picture on Facebook of Brighton beach after a Bank Holiday weekend. There was 100 tonnes of rubbish on it. And we ban dogs from the beach in summer time? I think we’re banning the wrong species. There is no excuse for litter. It looks ugly. It is ugly. (And the bin men have enough to do as it is).
6. Tailgaters.
Why do people drive like this even in the worst conditions? If you have to brake in an emergency, they are going to ram you. Just what is the point of this? There is nothing that important to justify you having to drive too close to someone else.
7. Red Traffic Light Jumpers.
I’d like to see cameras put on the Hiltingbury Road lights as the number of people on two wheels and four who jump the traffic signals here is increasing. It is a matter of time before there is a bad accident here due to this. It also annoys me as I am training my new dog, Lady, to listen to the “beeper” for crossing the road. She’s doing well on that but there’s no way of explaining to her “er… hang on, we can’t go after all because some inconsiderate being has decided to jump the lights”.
8. Conspicuous Consumption.
I’m all for people enjoying the finer things in life (for me, the ultimate luxury would be being able to buy books without ever having to worry about (a) money and (b) running out of shelf space!). What I don’t like is when people show off about it.
9. Double Parking, especially on bends.
It’s a matter of time before an ambulance or other emergency vehicle can’t get through to deal with a situation in our area because of this. I know the response will be “but we need somewhere to park” to which my reply is “the emergency services need to get through”. I also don’t envy the bus drivers having to deal with this.
10. Lack of Parking Spaces.
It does frustrate me that we want people to support their local area, shops etc, but there is precious little parking available for people to use. Not everybody can use public transport. Some really do need to use their cars.
11. People who use Disabled Parking Spaces but are not entitled to do so.
This is just lazy and inconsiderate. My answer to this – to put the offenders into Room 101 – is considerably friendlier than one answer mooted on social media (which suggested making the offenders suddenly “qualify” to use said disabled parking spaces!).
12. Computer programs/browsers becoming “stuck” and telling you they are “not responding”.
I already know they’re not flaming well responding. What I want to know is why! It isn’t always obvious. Particularly frustrating, of course, when I’m trying to get a CFT post finished!
13. Phone menus where you might finally get to speak to a fellow human being.
This is one where I think most of you will agree with me. I don’t mind a menu of two or three choices but I have had those offering five or six (and by the time you reach six, you’ve forgotten what the first three were!). I also hate those ones where you are put in a queue system with no idea where you are in that queue. The ones that say you are number three in the queue or number fifteen at least give you an idea as to whether it is worth your while staying on the line or not.
14. “Could of, should of etc instead of could have, should have”.
Where did this abomination to the English language come from and when can we send it back there, please?
15. People who say they have no time to read.
Okay, frankly I’m biased here. Course I am. But you do have time to read. You can download stories on your phone, try out flash fiction (told you I was biased given I write it!), and nobody has ever said you have to read a whole book at once. (In the case of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, that really would be a challenge).
This phrase, which I’ve heard directly, is an excuse, I think. Much as I’d love people to read my book, at the end of the day I want people to enjoy stories. (And that includes non-fiction. There are some wonderful stories of great achievements in engineering, medicine etc and the best non-fiction uses fictional techniques to grab people’s attention and hold it!).
So what is behind this statement? Are people reluctant to read? If so, why? Is it a lack of confidence or do people just not see books as a form of entertainment? I am bemused at the latter as books work out to be a relatively cheap form of entertainment given how often you can read them and equally if you don’t want to do that, how about borrowing them from the library?
More to come from me over the next few weeks on this but comments welcome in the meantime.
Related Posts:-
Read interviews with Chandler’s Ford writer Allison Symes: Part 1 and Part 2.
Read blog posts by Allison Symes published on Chandler’s Ford Today.
Can I suggest people who pay more attention to their smartphones than to the world around them? And pineapple.
Linked to Number 9, I’d like to add the town planners who design modern housing developments with insufficient parking spaces.
And Number 5: Last week I went for a run round DragonFly Trail at Fleming Park (aka Old Golf Course). A lovely park, but spoiled by one takeaway coffee cup just dropped on the ground.
Even worse that Number 4 are those that don’t bother to clean up after their dogs. Especially on footpaths in the countryside. I think there is sometimes a feeling of “well it’s not in a built-up area so it doesn’t matter”. Yes it does
Totally agree with you on the smartphone, Chippy. I have one and find it useful but I do NOT walk and use it at the same time. You can do one or the other really well but not both. Only yesterday someone almost walked into my dog because of that. It was just as well I was observant! I watched them come towards us and it was clear whatever world they were in, it wasn’t the real one!
Also agree on the town planners. I remember the rush to build a school down in Valley Park, (the one near Katrine Crescent), when someone suddenly realised they had all these new houses, the existing local schools really could not take any more, so the new school went up in a hurry. Not great planning I think!
Yes, no excuse re dog fouling. I really don’t understand people who litter. You are literally fouling your own environment.
However, I am intrigued about the pineapple comment! This is where the fiction writer’s imagination is kicking in and I am envisaging you being traumatised by a rogue pineapple, Chippy! Why else would you put it into Room 101?!
No reason, other than I don’t like pineapple. At all. There are very few foods that I don’t like, and most of them I can tolerate if I have to. But not pineapple.
Pineapples represent prosperity and it is a popular fruit during the Chinese new year. Homophone in Chinese: pineapples with ‘welcoming fortune’.
In the 15th and 16th centuries, a pineapple was a sign of wealth and prosperity in the west too. https://www.genealogytoday.com/articles/reader.mv?ID=1590
I’ve forgotten where it is but I have seen pineapples carved out of stone and used as entrance markers to stately homes etc. I always thought it an odd form of decorative art but this explains why. Thanks, Chippy.
I must admit I do like pineapple, Chippy, albeit in small doses every now and then. (Thanks, Janet, for saying what it represents, never knew that). Bananas are my fruit bete noire. Never have liked them.
Allison,
A few years ago I saw this warning sign in Chandler’s Ford. Unfortunately dog fouling is a problem in Chandler’s Ford.
Now we also have strict dog fouling rules. “You can be given an on-the-spot fine if you don’t clean up after your dog. The amount varies from council to council. It’s often £50 and can be as much as £80.
If you refuse to pay the fine, you can be taken to court and fined up to £1,000.”
Dog fouling (GOV.UK)
Just hope people take notice of it, Janet!
So typical of the BBC to choose Room 101 as a dumping ground for unpopular things rather than a torture chamber to confront dissidents with their worst fears. Ironically Orwell named Room 101 after a conference room at Broadcasting House where he used to sit through tedious meetings
I would send to room 101 writers who do something Orwell warned about in 1984 when he drew attention to methods of thought control by destroying logic and rationality. Many fiction writers increasingly conflate knowledge with appeals to certainty, which can be seen as an assault on the idea of objective facts, supplanting them with personal feelings. For example: ‘He pointed his gun at her tightened his finger on the trigger and she knew she was going to die’. Several pages later we discover the bullet missed her heart and she recovered in hospital. Obviously she did not know she was about to die, no matter what she felt, because she did not die. There are logical and epistemic differences between knowledge – which refers to what is the case – and certainty which may describe beliefs and feelings. I find this error in recent Nordic crime fiction which invites questions concerning the relationship between disregard of logic with their post modernism and political correctness. As a writer and editor of non-fiction I would come down very hard on writers who fail to distinguish knowledge and certainty which contributes to a restriction of the range of critical and creative thought.
I agree that there is a huge difference between knowledge and certainty, David. You could have a character genuinely believing they are about to die. (A good touch here would be to show bodily reactions to that belief – racing heart, shaking etc). You should want the reader to be able to identify with that character and to almost “feel” what that character would be feeling given the circumstances.
But what you should never do is have characters “know” things they can’t actually know. Stories do have to have their own logic or they fall apart. Even with my fantasy fiction, the worlds I create have a logical sense of their own (e.g. there has to be some sort of government and therefore some of my “people” will have more powers, magical or otherwise, than others to be in that position of power).
In the example you mention, I would have liked to have seen the character later realising their “knowledge” was plain wrong and being relieved to be wrong. That would have not corrected the earlier point but would have modified it. We have all thought we have known things and turned out to be wrong later. It is possible the author was trying to make that point (though from what you say, I don’t think that came across particularly well!).
People on gameshows who say Haitch instead of aitch!