I’ve lost my wheelie-bin. As I write that sentence, I realise how ludicrous it sounds. I often misplace my spectacles, and occasionally drop keys and small coins down the back of the sofa. But a 240-litre grey wheelie bin? That’s going take some concealment. Though I do know someone who hunts for lost bridges, so I suppose if you can lose a bridge, you can lose pretty much anything. Surely the people crossing a non-existent river bridge would notice their feet getting wet.
Anyway, back to my lost wheelie-bin – or should I say the wheelie-bin that is no longer in its last-known position (that position being at the end of my drive awaiting the refuse truck).
Picture from pixabay
The council website advised to wait for 48 hours before ordering new bin as sometimes they return of their own accord. It makes it sound like a lost cat that will come home when it’s hungry, rather than an inanimate waste receptable. “It may have accidentally been taken in by a neighbour” the website explained.
You may think that all wheelie-bins look the same, so why don’t I just take someone else’s as a replacement? Well, my bin had a distinguishing feature: it had lost a wheel. Apart from making it extremely unlikely that it rolled off down the hill of its own accord (not that I live on a hill), this would surely make it instantly recognisable as “not ours” by a neighbour. Why would anyone take (either accidently or intentionally) a mono-wheeled wheelie bin, when there are plenty of bi-wheeled ones to choose? OK, I suppose a single-wheeled wheelie-bin is better than one with no wheels at all (would that be just a “bin”?), but I’ve not seen any of those about (which may, of course, be because they can’t be wheeled to the roadside).
The layout of my neighbourhood means that it is relatively easy to see wheelie-bins from the street, so I have been furtively spying on my neighbours – particularly those who have more than one grey wheelie-bin. Nothing.
So I have ordered a new one – which cost me £25. At first, I was slightly irked at having to pay; it’s not my fault the wheelie-bin has gone AWOL. But then I realised that there are lots of other things that get lost / taken that I must pay for, so why should a wheelie-bin be any different.
The new wheelie-bin will take up to 20 days to arrive. Without a wheelie-bin, I have been depositing household waste in local street waste bins, trying hard not to look as if I am hiding incriminating evidence of criminal activity (which isn’t as easy as it sounds).
I’m still curious as to where it’s gone but am consoling myself with the thought that maybe it’s been taken in by a Home for Lame and Immobile Wheelie Bins who are giving it a much better life than I ever did.
Now, if the two departments of the Council, i.e. the lovely operatives who collect the products of our failed cooking; trees-worth of advertising blurb and masses of chopped up (or not) garden waste, not to mention the vineyards’ throwaways, and the good people on the ‘phone taking our money for a new bin, spoke to each other, they might find that: they took the bin away because with only one wheel it was a danger to you and aforesaid operatives. Or am I being to logical?
I did wonder that but thought that surely if they had taken it, they would have left a note. Or that they would not have taken the old one until they supplied a new one.
Humorous article, made me laugh.
I too have wb issues. The hinge is broken on one side. I think during the recent burglary at my home, the thieves used it as a stepping stone into the garden. I’ll glue the hinge back eventually. Certainly not parting with £26. I’m certain your wb will come back. Unless the Tories have borrowed it to smuggle someone out of no 10?
I believe that if your bin is broken and unusable, the council will replace it free of charge. Unfortunately, no longer being on your premises doesn’t count as “unusable”!
I hope we are soon to learn of its return Chippy! Did it have prominent identification? Where I live people put their house number in large writing, not to mention painting flowers, animals, cartoons .. as distinguishing features. No one would dare!
I like to think of you out at dusk distributing your wares into the communal bins ..
Hey Chippy, we had new neighbours a few months back. They wanted the lager bin size. Bins arrived, old bins taken away. 2 days later the green bin disappeared, presumably stolen. Replacement bin arranged from Eastleigh council. No charge. Big numbers on bins help.
Hi Chippie, what a brilliant article, really made me laugh. My last business was a Wheelie Bin Cleaning business, and we were washing 11,000 every month and we often heard of bins going AWOL. I think there must be a big yard somewhere that they go to die, like elephants all go to the same place. The Bin Lorries sometimes eat them as well especially, like in nature they take the weakest ones especially ones with only one leg (Wheel). I do hope you take care of you new one!!
I use a bin cleaning service and they clean my black bin once a month. I started using the service a few years ago as one year I found many maggots in the black bin and they really made me sick ……I love the scent from a freshly washed bin.
Hi Chippie
Had one of mine disappear sometime back it was brocken big split in the side phoned the council dept had a new one delivered free of charge within a few days , best of luck !!
Hi Chippy,
Have you seen some beautifully decorated bins in Chandler’s Ford? My neighbours’ bins are painted with beautiful flowers so they are quite distinct so I presume no one dare to ‘steal’ them. I remember during lockdown (remember those days?) a local artist was raising money for a charity so offering her art on wheelie bins. What a wonderful thing to do! Perhaps you could consider using your creative talent on your bin this time?