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You are here: Home / Community / Queen’s English styled by Jacob Rees-Mogg Esq. M.P.

Queen’s English styled by Jacob Rees-Mogg Esq. M.P.

July 28, 2019 By Mike Sedgwick 11 Comments

News for all writers on how to write? Previously I have relied on what I was taught by teachers, with the aid of raps on the knuckles with a ruler in earlier years. Now we have the advantage of the new Rees-Mogg Style Guide which recommends the use of Esq. which needs a full stop but Miss and Ms doesn’t. He declines to advise on how the write the plural of Ms. (I put the stop here as it is the end of a sentence.)

Unacceptable Words

I am pleased to learn that certain words are unacceptable and occasion disappointment; they are deemed no longer fit for purpose. The Right Honourable Jacob Rees-Mogg M.P. would be most upset by that sentence because it contains thirteen words he wishes to ban. We should be grateful to Rees-Mogg, Leader of the House of Commons also, by self-appointment, Leader of the Comma Man. He cannot be addressed as Esq., one cannot be both Right Honourable and Esquire.

Jacob Reese-Mogg M.P. and Walter the Softie from the Beano. The Beano famously asked JRM to cease and desist imitating their cartoon character

Style Guides

Before Rees-Mogg, I took advice from the Guardian book of English Language who tell how to write ‘lumpenproletariat’ and to use ‘girlie’ as a noun but ‘girly’ as an adjective; the guide declines to say whether such words are politically correct or not. Then there is help from Fowler’s Modern English Usage; three columns on the ‘questionable constructions’ using the word ‘like’ and that ‘Headmaster’ is a single word. There are seven pages on the use of the hyphen but we are still left with the clumsiness of when a lay-preacher becomes an ex-lay-preacher.

Strunk and White, The Elements of Style, a great American guide advises us to avoid using, or rather not using, understood verbs; ‘Polly loves cake more than me’ or is it ‘Polly loves cake more than she loves me.’ They explain the correct use of ‘nauseous’ and ‘nauseated’ and describe ‘nice’ as a shaggy, all-purpose word to be used sparingly.

Then there is New Hart’s Rules, The Oxford Guide to Style which has five pages on the use of the comma, and I still can’t do it right.

Imperial Measures

Use Imperial measures, says Rees-Mogg. Gone now, are the millimetres, metres and kilometres, we are back to Poles, Chains, Furlongs and Leagues. When it comes to medicine, we will have to measure in grains again. How much is a grain? as much as a grain of wheat, silly. How accurate do you want to be? Ten grains, is that ten small, dry, shrivelled-up grains or fat, swollen, wet grains? How many grains in a pound (weight)? Seven thousand for a pound avoirdupois but only 5670 for a pound Troy. I am not sure about the Apothecaries’ weight system, they dealt in scruples (20 grains) and nothing as heavy as a pound. A grain is officially defined as 64.79891 mg. I had to learn this a medical school as in the early 60’s we were moving from the apothecary’s to the metric system. No more 5 grain aspirin tablets, we rounded it down to 300mg.

I recall from my days in the Young Farmers’ Club that the weight of a pig is given in ‘score’. One score is 20 pounds avoirdupois. When it comes to age, I have exceeded three score and ten (score, not scores.)

One of my school books.
The reverse of my school exercise book with tables of weights and measures. Useful when writing this article.

How large is your house? You may be able to answer in square metres but now it must be Imperial. How many Perches? Sounds fishy to me but one perch is 30.25 square yards, so conversion is easy. I filled up my car with fuel this morning, it took a Bushel or 4 Pecks or 8 Gallons or 36 Litres).

Perhaps the new Ress-Mogg guide will demand that book and chapter titles are written in a former style, e.g. Chapter XII – In which our Hero proposes to the Lady of the Manor and is rebuffed then goes to seek his fortune in foreign lands.

The fullstop, full stop, full-stop or period.

The Right Honourable Jacob Rees-Mogg M.P. (include the . after M. and P.) did not mention numerals. These new-fangled Arabic numerals are probably an unnecessary development for him and should be replaced by the classic Roman style; VII times IX equals LXIII, easy isn’t it. Please write your date of birth here in Roman Numerals……..

Grecian Democracy

Ress-Mogg M.P. must be pleased about the latest democratic exercise where only the paid-up members of the Tory Party got to vote for the leader of the whole country. The system is just like early democracy in ancient Greece. The important people got to vote on the new leader. Slaves, serfs, women, tradesmen, professionals, artists and craftsmen did not have a say. Same with the Romans, only the Praetorian Guards were permitted to vote; that’s how they got Nero – plus ça change.

The Fire of Rome by Hubert Robert (1785)
Hubert Robert – HAHxg_lHmo6TqQ at Google Cultural Institute,

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About Mike Sedgwick

Retired, almost. Lived in Chandler's Ford for 20 years. Like sitting in the garden with a beer on sunny days. Also reading, writing and flying a glider. Interested in promoting science.

I work hard as a Grandfather and have a part time job in Kandy, Sri Lanka for the winter months. Married to a beautiful woman and between us we have two beautiful daughters and 3 handsome sons.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Gopi Chandroth says

    August 2, 2019 at 7:23 am

    Enjoyed this piece. The right honourable member of the 18th century will be pleased.

    Reply
  2. Gopinath Chandroth says

    August 2, 2019 at 7:24 am

    Enjoyed this piece. The right honourable member of the 18th century will be pleased.

    Reply
  3. David Lamb says

    August 2, 2019 at 9:22 am

    Can I assume that the similarity with ancient Greece was merely a joke, as Conservative Party members voted for a leader, not a PM. Party leaders usually become PMs, as in the case of Gordon Brown who was not voted in after he replaced Tony Blair.

    In the event of Corbyn becoming PM I should admit that three of my dogs joined the Labour Party and voted for him as leader.

    Reply
    • Mike Sedgwick says

      August 2, 2019 at 8:00 pm

      We are so pleased with ourselves in the UK as the mother of democracy that we refuse to see any of its failings. Do we serve democracy or does it serve us?

      Reply
  4. Rick Goater says

    August 2, 2019 at 9:37 am

    I really enjoyed this piece Mike. Her use of apostrophes, commas, hyphens, capitalisations etc. in my Gran’s journal often give me pause for thought as they often seem slightly archaic. She even uses the word “shewed” on occasion. I have always referred to the “Penguin Guide to Plain English”, and also have found Bill Bryson’s “Troublesome Words” useful and entertaining.

    Reply
    • Mike Sedgwick says

      August 2, 2019 at 6:55 pm

      I like the idea of troublesome words. The more you write, the more of them you find.

      Reply
    • Chippy says

      August 4, 2019 at 2:27 pm

      It’s interesting looking at original writing from only a few decades ago to see how the use of English has advanced. Different spellings, different punctuation, newly adopted foreign words shown (or shewn) in italics or within quotes (or quotation marks).

      Anyone still describe rooms as “sitting-cum-dining”. I’m sure WRM would approve, were the concept of having fewer than six reception rooms not so alien to him.

      Reply
  5. Richard Hardie says

    August 2, 2019 at 12:38 pm

    I shall (or is it will?) use Moggy as my new editor. He’s obviously up for it….. a phrade he would hate!

    Reply
  6. Richard Hardie says

    August 2, 2019 at 12:39 pm

    I shall (or is it will?) use Moggy as my new editor. He’s obviously up for it….. a phrase he would hate!

    Reply
  7. Mike Sedgwick says

    August 2, 2019 at 7:59 pm

    I like the idea of troublesome words. The more you write, the more of them you find.

    Reply
  8. David Lamb says

    August 7, 2019 at 1:18 pm

    “The question is,” said Alice, “whether you can make words mean so many different things.”
    “The question is,” said Humpty Dumpty, “which is to be master—that’s all.”
    ― Lewis Carroll

    I would have liked to write a full article on this topic but will make do with a short comment.
    Boris Johnson was elected leader of the Conservative Party on 23 July. Exercising the Royal Prerogative the Queen (doing what she was told) appointed him as PM on 24 July.

    There was a time when the Conservative Party did not have a voting system for electing a leader to be the PM. When Eden resigned as Prime Minister on Wednesday 9 January 1957 the the Conservative Party had no formal mechanism for determining a new leader, but the Queen received overwhelming advice to appoint Macmillan as Prime Minister instead of R.A.B. Butler, rather than wait for a Party Meeting to decide.

    Butler was disappointed. As a consolation prize he was awarded the post of Master of Downing College, Cambridge.

    Several years ago I had a brief appointment at Downing College and was told this piece of history. Downing College has a strict rule prohibiting dogs. Lady Butler had a dog and insisted on it accompanying her to the College. It looked like a stalemate.

    Eventually a compromise was reached and the College, under the new Master, agreed to classify Lady Butler’s dog as a cat and thereafter it was referred to as Lady Butler’s cat.

    You see, Humpty Dumpy (representing Thomas Hobbes) was right:

    “The question is,” said Humpty Dumpty, “which is to be master—that’s all.”

    Reply

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