• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Chandler's Ford Today

  • Home
  • About
    • About Chandler’s Ford
    • Chandler’s Ford War Memorial Research
  • Blog
    • Blogging Tips
  • Event
    • Upcoming Events
  • Community
    • Groups
    • Churches
    • Schools
    • GP Surgeries
    • Leisure
    • Library
    • Charities
      • Eastleigh Basics Bank
      • Cat & Kitten Rescue in Chandler’s Ford
    • Fair Trade
      • Traidcraft stalls in Chandler’s Ford
    • Chandler’s Ford Parish Council
  • Contact
    • Subscribe
  • Site Policies
  • Site Archive
    • Site Archive 2018
    • Site Archive 2017
    • Site Archive 2016
    • Site Archive 2015
You are here: Home / Arts / Seasonal Limericks and Flash Fiction

Seasonal Limericks and Flash Fiction

December 30, 2016 By Allison Symes 4 Comments

I thought I’d finish for this year with some light-hearted seasonal limericks and flash fiction pieces. Hope you enjoy them.

I also hope you had plenty of books (in print or electronically) for Christmas and you are happily working your way through them!

Christmas Tree Lights - Image via Pixabay
Christmas Tree Lights – Image via Pixabay

To misquote the wonderful, late, much-missed James Garner (of Maverick fame), you really should Support Your Local Author…

Re-living the Past

I don’t know why you want me to go through it again. I was clear enough the first time.

I know what I said sounds incredible, but that is not the same as impossible.

Nor would I invent such a story. It sounds mad. Why do you think I’ve spent so long hiding this?

You say you want to ensure you’ve got the details right. Why? You realise you can’t tell anyone? You would sound mad.

I guess it’s not an easy thing to accept you have an unusual parent but, be fair, someone has to be Santa.

*Ends*

Christmas Lights - Image via Pixabay
Christmas Lights – Image via Pixabay

Fireworks

The noisy fireworks disguised her running away.

I knew she’d be found out. That madam was dressed to the nines but I knew she was a peasant.

I’m glad the Prince didn’t find her. What idiot wears a glass slipper? They do nothing for bunions.

Still the party’s finished. HRH looks sad. He’ll get over it. He’ll need someone to turn to now the only girl who has ever caught his eye has gone.

I just need to find and smash that wretched slipper to be sure HRH can’t find that madam, so excuse me, I must be off.

*Ends*

I've no time for Frosty the Snowman but expect he'll turn up in January - Image via Pixabay
I’ve no time for Frosty the Snowman but expect he’ll turn up in January – Image via Pixabay

The Help

He’d never do it all by himself, you know. It was my idea he should check the list twice. We already know who’s naughty and nice you see but it makes him feel better about himself and that’s no bad thing. The world is not ready, will never be ready for a depressed Santa.

Depressed? Yes. Between you and me he’s not keen on sherry and would far rather eat Rudolph’s carrots than yet another mince pie. Be honest, you’ve seen one mince pie, you’ve seen them all. But the poor soul can hardly say so.

If there’s any chance of you lot putting out the odd cookie, slice of Christmas cake, anything really to ring the chances, that would be great. Mind, I still think it a miracle he hasn’t come down with diabetes but there you go.

Now I must be off. The great man has just put on the red suit. We’ll be off shortly. And he must never know I spoke to you.

*Ends*

Carols and Santa - What's not to like? - Image via Pixabay
Carols and Santa – What’s not to like? – Image via Pixabay

A Career Nosedives…

There was once a young, proud elf
Who just believed in himself.
He rejected Santa’s call
Therefore irking one and all
Guess whose career’s on the shelf?

Christmas Eve…

The list is always checked twice
I know the naughty or nice
Reindeer are ready to go
Rudolph’s set his nose aglow
So we’ll be off in a trice.

Christmas cracker jokes are up to their usual standard - Image via Pixabay
Christmas cracker jokes are up to their usual standard – Image via Pixabay

Maybe one year the Christmas cracker jokes will improve. All I know was that didn’t happen this year!

From our church’s informal annual carols by candlelight event (which has the carols selected by the congregation and interspersed with poems, readings and dreadful jokes), I offer proof the cracker gags are still capable of producing loud groans.

What do Santa’s little helpers go to school for?
To learn their elfabet

What letter always goes missing at Christmas time?
There is “No L” at this time of year.

The informal event, which raises funds for our chosen charity project of the year, is great fun and we even sang the proper words to While Shepherds Watched and We Three Kings of Orient Are.

I didn’t hear one murmur of “While Shepherds washed their socks, all seated around the tub, a bar of Sunlight soap came down and they began to scrub”. Nor was there any mention of the alternative travel arrangements for the three kings – “We three kings of Orient are, one in a taxi, one in a car, one blowing his hooter, following yonder star”.

Many of us won't be sorry to say goodbye to this year - Image via Pixabay
Many of us won’t be sorry to say goodbye to this year – Image via Pixabay

Mind, there was one slight disappointment this year. We didn’t sing what I consider to be more of a challenge than a carol – Ding Dong Merrily on High. It’s not easy holding on to that “glorious” note when you’re an asthmatic and the air in the church has dried out thanks to all the candles!! Still there’s another 12 months now to prepare my old lungs for the challenge that is Ding Dong.

This year has been a strange one in many ways. I certainly wouldn’t have predicted Brexit or President Trump and I was very sorry to hear of the death of Carrie Fisher. I loved the original Star War films and her Princess Leia was all that I, as a kid, thought a heroic princess should be. I was also very sorry to hear of the death of her mother, Debbie Reynolds.

I fervently hope that 2017 has more positive moments than 2016 did. I think it is a good thing we can’t predict the future. If you knew what was going to happen, would it stop you living properly? I think so. I think it would paralyse you.

Happy New 2017 - Image via Pixabay
Happy New 2017 – Image via Pixabay

Anyway, to finish on a much more cheerful note, I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and wish you a very happy New Year. Happy reading and writing.

Related Posts:

What I Like (and Dislike) about Christmas

10 Wishes for Chandler’s Ford for 2016

Christmas Stories, Limericks and Traditions

Limerick – Christmas

Read interviews with Chandler’s Ford writer Allison Symes: Part 1 and Part 2.

Read blog posts by Allison Symes published on Chandler’s Ford Today.

Never miss out on another blog post. Subscribe here:

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.


Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Share this:

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Google
  • Email

Related posts:

Tags: Christmas, flash fiction, review, viewpoint, writing

About Allison Symes

I'm a published flash fiction and short story writer, as well as a blogger. My fiction work has appeared in anthologies from Cafelit and Bridge House Publishing.

My first flash fiction collection, From Light to Dark and Back Again, was published by Chapeltown Books in 2017.

My follow-up, Tripping the Flash Fantastic, was published by Chapeltown Books in 2020.

I adore the works of many authors but my favourites are Jane Austen, P.G. Wodehouse and Terry Pratchett.

I like to describe my fiction as fairytales with bite.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Mike Sedgwick says

    December 31, 2016 at 2:23 pm

    My new year’s resolution is always not to get fat, or rather any fatter. I am the same weight now as 10 years ago so I suppose that is success.

    This year my resolution is to fly a few loop the loops on my 80th birthday. Also to survive until next new year day.

    Hope all readers see in the New Year happily. We are just leaving for another party.

    Reply
    • Janet Williams says

      December 31, 2016 at 7:35 pm

      Confucius had a very famous saying about a man’s development: “At fifteen my heart was set on learning; at thirty I stood firm; at forty I had no more doubts; at fifty I knew the will of heaven; at sixty my ear was obedient; at seventy I could follow my heart’s desire without overstepping the boundaries of what was right.” (Confucius – Wikiquote)

      He didn’t say anything about at 80 and over. Perhaps you could tell us.

      Reply
  2. Allison Symes says

    December 31, 2016 at 4:22 pm

    Have a wonderful time, both of you. I don’t make resolutions (I rarely keep them!) but always aim to (a) be kind and (b) improve my writing. Those are two I think I can stick to and nobody minds too much if you don’t always succeed. You pick yourself up and start again with those two. Incidentally, Janet is bound to want you to write a post for the 80th birthday loop the loop event! Would love to see pics! Happy New Year to all.

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS FOR A FAIRYTALE WITCH – Allison Symes: Collected Works says:
    December 31, 2016 at 12:44 am

    […] a lot better.  I finish my CFT posts for the year with a lighthearted look at (and share of) some Seasonal Limericks and Flash Fiction.  Hope  you enjoy […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Primary Sidebar

Search

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to Chandler's Ford Today blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Archives

Top Posts & Pages

999, 111, 101, 112? Emergency Numbers You Must Know
Short Form Writing
101 Things to Put into Room 101
Peculiar British House Numbering System
Home
Eastleigh 2 Lincoln City 1: Take Off For The Spitfires
Charles Baynham in Chandler's Ford
101 Things to Put into Room 101 - Part 7 - The Final Leg
50 Things I Like about the Chandler’s Ford Area (Part 2)
Upcoming Events

Categories

Tags

arts and crafts books Chandler's Ford Chandler's Ford Today Chandler’s Ford community charity Christianity Christmas church community creative writing culture Eastleigh Eastleigh Borough Council education entertainment event family fundraising gardening gardening tips good neighbours Hiltingbury Hiltingbury Road history hobby how-to interview Joan Adamson Joan Adelaide Goater local businesses local interest memory Methodist Church music nature news reading review social storytelling theatre travel Winchester Road writing

Recent Comments

  • Allison Symes on Short Form Writing
  • Mike Sedgwick on Short Form Writing
  • John Roberts on Gladly, the Cross-eyed Bear and Other Mondegreens
  • Allison Symes on Zest In Fiction
  • Mike Sedgwick on Zest In Fiction
  • Allison Symes on Zest In Fiction

Regular Writers and Contributors

Janet Williams Allison Symes Mike Sedgwick Rick Goater Doug Clews chippy minton Martin Napier Roger White Andy Vining Gopi Chandroth Nicola Slade Wellie Roger Clark Ray Fishman Hazel Bateman SO53 News

Forty Years in Chandler’s Ford – a Journal by Joan Adelaide Goater

Forty Years in Chandler’s Ford – a Journal by Joan Adelaide Goater

Growing up in Chandler’s Ford: 1950s – 1960s by Martin Napier

Growing up in Chandler’s Ford: 1950s – 1960s by Martin Napier

My Memories of the War Years in Chandler’s Ford 1939 – 1945 by Doug Clews

My Memories of the War Years in Chandler’s Ford 1939 – 1945 by Doug Clews

Chandler’s Ford War Memorial Research by Margaret Doores

Chandler’s Ford War Memorial Research by Margaret Doores

History of Hiltonbury Farmhouse by Andy Vining

History of Hiltonbury Farmhouse by Andy Vining

My Family History in Chandler’s Ford and Hursley by Roger White

My Family History in Chandler’s Ford and Hursley by Roger White

Do You Remember The Hutments? By Nick John

Do You Remember The Hutments? By Nick John

Memory of Peter Green by Wendy Green

Memory of Peter Green by Wendy Green

History of Vickers Armstrongs (Supermarine) Hursley Park by Dave Key

History of Vickers Armstrongs (Supermarine) Hursley Park by Dave Key

Reviews of local performances and places

Reviews of local performances and places

Copyright © 2022 Chandler's Ford Today. WordPress. Log in

loading Cancel
Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
Email check failed, please try again
Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.